I submitted my Visual Communication portfolio/application last week, and within the next few weeks, I expect to receive the results on my entrance status.  I've been silent on this blog for the past several months, and much personal revelation and change has gone undocumented.  It's been a long while since I've heard that still small voice, calling me into a deeper and stabler ground.  Calling me to a freedom that's real and an understanding of one's inherent value, not at all connected to circumstance, personal achievement, or the rejection or affirmation of certain others, especially those we love.  It's amazing what the revoking of something you think you need can teach you.

The work I've submitted displays my technical abilities as well as my lack of creative expression and conceptual story-telling.  An instructor I sat down to talk with last year told me I needed to to be assured in my ability, that I did indeed have it, and that I needed to take more risks in my work.  It's true.  We'll get there, one piece at a time.

Recent page out of the sketchbook.

Been asking some pretty big questions as of late as I seek to sort out some of the confusion in my life, and I'm so thankful for the mentor figures that I have been able to turn to in this time of seeking.  When I question the degree of God's involvement in our lives, I need look no further than the timely arrivals of a few in my life to know that there is indeed a degree of orchestration in all this.

The year is coming to an end, and as I sit here, heart crushed in the way that only one has ever been able to do, I look up to God with questions.  My hand has been too weak to lift my pencil as of late and the pages in my sketchbook have certainly slowed in their filling.  I wish I could disengage from my emotions and single-mindedly focus on my work and my goals but I can't.  At least not right now as my heart and mind seeks, prays and processes.  Be it a woman thing or a My-An thing, my emotions are intertwined with my day-to-day living and experience of life, and with that, I ask the Almighty to help me walk today.  There is clarity to be had among the wealth of counsel that surrounds me though it is clouded by pain and uncertainty.

These discussions on purpose, trust, God's loving care and concern, and the degree to which God is involved have been long ones, and are too unsettled at the moment for me to publicly process.  I suspect that it may be some time yet before I will be able to clearly articulate all that He has been teaching me over the past few years, and I know there has been some footwork to be done that I have long neglected to do out of fear of not knowing what will be on the other side.  This prayer by the well-respected TKB resonates with my deeply and will be my closing note here for tonight.

"Clarity, come forth, for you’re needed more than ever.

Humility, come around, for you teach the way of wisdom.

Love, stand up, for without you I would not know the purpose.

Strength, wrap around me, cause I am all but weak.

Grace, be my path, as I am but a fallible human being and my best is but another one’s worst.

Beauty, envelope me, so that you may radiate into this dark place.

Generosity, remind me, so that others may know a good life.

Honesty, walk before me, for deception abounds and it’s trap is too common.

Peace, be my rest, so that I may lay down my worry.

Faith, abound within, so that mountains may move.

Joy, overflow, that others may see a life that is worth living."

My-An be patient with yourself.

an investigation in color theory: harmony and discord

Currently listening:  Kaskade - 2011 - Fire and Ice

I got around to scanning some of my best schoolwork during the summer, but never got around to sharing them.  The project below was done for my Color Theory class.  The aim of the project was to teach us color harmony and discord in portrait painting.  We had to choose a complementary or split complementary color scheme, and use those colors to paint two self portraits.  One portrait would be use the colors harmoniously, and the other in a discordant fashion. 

A complementary color scheme involves any two colors opposite eachother on the color wheel, in this case, green and red.  The colors are said to be complements.

A split-complementary color scheme uses the base color, in this case green, and the two colors that are adjacent to its complement (red), in this case red-violet and red-orange.

One of the portraits had to be a real-life depiction, the You that everyone saw you to be.  The other had to be an alter-ego of yourself, and it would be your choice as to which would be the harmonious or discordant portrait.  When colors are harmonious, they produce a pleasing visual experience both for the artist and viewer, called a positive visual effect, whereas discordant colors produce a negative visual effect.  Discordant colors appear to clash, contrast, or "fight" rather than harmonize with eachother.  Aside from using colors that are discordant by their particular pairing, discord can also be achieved when colors of the same value are used together.  Value refers to the "lightness" or "darkness" of a color.  When this happens, the eye has trouble placing the two colors, and they'll appear to vibrate.

For my paintings, I chose a split complementary scheme:  Blue, Red-Orange and Yellow-Orange.  The same colors had to be used in both paintings, with the only difference being that in the harmony painting, we were allowed to mix black to the colors to achieve a wide range of tones and values (white was allowed for the other painting to bring colors to the same value in order to achieve the vibration effect).

Me as my tired, sleep-deprived self (Harmony). Acrylic on illustration board. 11x14".

Alter-ego sketch, ready to be transferred onto illustration board and painted.

My alter ego -- me as a punk (Discord). Acrylic on illustration board. 11x14".

Notice the vibration.  I have always thought mohawks, big-ass disc ear holes and tattoos (didn't have enough time to include one) and punk style in general were cool as f***, and that in an alternate universe, I would have the guts to dress that way outwardly, hence my choice of alter-ego.  Major departure from my non-descript-artist self that I secretly wish I could be.  However, my co-worker wrecked the fantasy for me by pointing out that this was actually a good representation for a lesbian me (no offense to gay people).

I suppose part of the fun is not knowing if you truly have what it takes to deliver, though it's somewhat a cause for trepidation for me.  I also have a hard time focusing and I'm still trying to figure out the specifics behind this problem.  With that elusive focus, I know I have it in me to pull out the extraordinary, but as of yet, I'm still trying to find it again.

My initial round of ideas were rejected, and now as I've been trying again, I see now they've been canned for good reason.  The first idea is rarely ever The Idea.  Even if this round doesn't turn out to be It, it's definitely been a more enjoyable process than the first.

Foundational sketch for one of the characters (same as the one in the previous post).  Round 2.